I have officially declared myself insane.

I'm sure Tim doesn't agree, thank god for his upbeat demeanor. I know exactly what he would say to me right now.

"We're great photographer's and can DO this!".

And in my heart I believe him. I know that my skills as a photographer have gone way beyond even my wildest imagination (and I have a BIG imagination), howsoever that may be....my mind is where the problem lies.

My mind keeps whispering those evil little thoughts of inadequacy.

I know these thoughts are only formations of my own fear of failure and rejection of my artistic expression....however....they are there. For better or worse.

For Better or Worse. I'll be hearing those words on Saturday as Tim and I take pictures of two very dear friends who are trusting us to take pictures of a very important day in their life. I trust Tim wholeheartedly....but do I trust MYSELF?

This is my first wedding. Of course I'm going to be nervous. Of course I'm going to be scared. Of course this is probably causing some of my insomnia. And I hate to say it....but I wish it were Saturday right now...at this very moment. I would be at my friends house, watching some inane comedy, drinking iced tea and smoking. Trying to put this day behind me and just relax. Let the pictures set for a day.

But no...here I sit, Tuesday night at midnight...writing a journal about my own insecurities and bearing witness to all that would see that I am afraid.

But....aren't we all?

Love, Light, Beauty, Joy, and Art to you all!

Amanda

PS: Wish me luck huh?